Reflections....

I have quite a serious job. Usually this involves being focused and level-headed…Today, however, I am SERIOUSLY finding it hugely difficult to concentrate on anything, because today, my dear friends, I finish work for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!! Not only that, but it’s CHRISTMAS! My most favourite time of the entire year….

Needless to say I am a happy bunny today and super-excited. I haven’t taken a big chunk of time off like this in AAAAAGGGGESSSSSS….so I refuse to feel guilty about it! Instead, I am feeling very reflective today – must be a ‘almost the end of the year’ vibe…

I was thinking about this year, and what makes it different from last year. Last year as I entered the party season – I was at least 31.5lbs heavier, so uncomfortable in my own skin, bloated, bad skin, just generally…. ill at ease, y’know?

This year, I am excited about life – particularly the control I have taken back over my eating and attitude to health and exercise. I have come to the conclusion that I am proud of what I have achieved this year. Seems like it’s only just hitting me. Where, in previous years, I would be excited about letting my constant promises to self to ‘be good’ and attempts to eat healthy and exercise regularly completely slide with the ‘legitimate’ excuse of ‘It’s Christmas’, nowadays I feel excited about knowing how to balance the eat-and-drink-athon that is this time of year with exercise and good, wholesome, nutritional, clean eating. I am excited to have time off to be able to run during daylight hours and to take some day time classes. This time of enforced gym ban has also taught me moderation, how to do just enough to balance and enrich my lifestyle, not needing to cane it each and every time I go. This, for me, is possibly the biggest NSV of them all.

I had a sports massage on my legs this week – it was really good, if a little uncomfortable at times - and I was chatting with Mr Trainer Man about goal weight and what not and he really challenged me NOT to set a goal weight. By this he meant get to the aforementioned 147lbs and then stop obsessing on it and challenge myself with different goals – like a time/strength/distance one. ‘And the weight, Liz…’, he said, ‘…will become a secondary issue and just….happen…’

I cannot describe how MUCH I want this to be true! I would LOVE not to be motivated by those digits on the scale. It feels scary even to be contemplating it. This is how I have lived, for better or for worse, for my whole life! I’ve been saying for a while that I’ve been looking for a new challenge and whaddaya know folks – this might just be it….!! YIKES! I’m glad someone has faith in me to be able to do this – because it seems a bit mad to me, but then I’m doing stuff these days that never would have ‘fitted’ with my goals before….what is life without challenges hey? What a difference a year makes…..I’ve just spent half an hour re-reading back through some of these posts and comments and man alive, I feel tremendously humbled that anyone reads this drivel and self delusion! I SERIOUSLY could not have got through this year without you all. Blogging has made SUCH a difference – I feel as if I’ve made friends here! Is that daft? I know we’ve never met in real life, but I think you guys ‘get’ me – possibly more than some of my real life pals in a lot of ways. I’ve shared stuff here that I would NEVER be brave enough to tell someone in real life – so I thank you for putting up with me! Your encouragement and advice and good ol’ fashioned kicks up the arse mean the world to me.

I thought that when I hit goal I would stop this blog – but it’s such a part of my life and if I’ve learnt anything this year, it’s that this is forever- this way of life I’m trying to re-educate myself into, is NOT about a diet. I’m not ‘at’ goal, not yet. I’m not even sure what that means really, truth be told. But what I do know is this:

My attitude towards living healthy and getting the most I can from my one and only body has completely and, I hope, irrevocably changed for the better. I ENJOY living this way. It’s not a chore or a burden, it’s something I have learned to embrace and now love. Funny that!.

So for now, I will continue to witter on in cyberspace. Thank you for being on this journey with me. I urge you to reflect on this year, cast your eyes back, if only for a moment. We’ve been through a lot this year, some of us more than others. It’s my hope that, whatever you have been through, you can find something positive you have learnt about yourself that will carry you forward into 2010.

Much Love, as ever…

Liz xoxo