A few of you have commented lately, or asked me via email, about my weight loss battle and said that I don’t seem like a BigFatPie, or at least as much of one as you would think from what/how I write. I realised I’ve never really put stats on here or clarified goals or whatever. So I thought I’d set the record straight! You’re all so honest in dealing with the digits so I figured why not!?
First things first: I am fat for me. For my height and build, I am overweight. It’s true that I do not weigh 200lbs, BUT for me, where I am at right now is fat. Weight loss is a relative journey and whether it’s 30lbs or 100lbs you’ve got to lose it’s still a freaking battle.
Ok, so let’s travel back in time to my 28th birthday, September 2006……I had gone from an underweight 9 stone (126lbs) on my wedding day to a hefty 11 stone 12 (166lbs) in a year and a half of marriage. I bit the bullet and joined WW with my amazing 70lbs loser friend Keri who told me to stop moaning about my weight and do something about it!
That was October 2006. By April 2007 I had lost 23lbs and weighed in at 10 stone 3 (143 lbs) - I felt AMAZING! It had worked! Sooooo I figured I didn’t need WW anymore, stopped going to meetings, and…..relaxed. I didn’t need to monitor my food anymore, I didn’t need to write it down and track every gosh darn morsel that went into my mouth! I didn’t need to set aside points for treats and count wine and weigh and measure ingredients….etc etc etc you get the picture!
In short, I got very lazy indeed and all that weight I’d worked so bloody hard to lose crept back on steadily but surely!
So from 10 stone 3 (143lbs) in April 2007 by my 29th Birthday in September 2007 I was back up to 12 stone 8.5 (176.5lbs) THAT’S A 33.5 lb GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In 5 months!!!!!!!!
And by January 2008 I was at my heaviest of 12 stone 11.5lbs (179.5lbs) That’s almost an entire stone OVER what my start weight was when I began WW the FIRST time around!
For the whole of 2008 I battled to get under the 12 stone bracket. (168lbs) and I achieved it for my 30th Birthday in September 2008. I weighed in at 11 stone 11 and a half (165.5lbs) and I had
BATTLED, and I mean
BATTLED to stay on plan and weigh in each week. I was sooooooo disheartened that it seemed infinitely more difficult to lose than it had been first time around. Time and again I visited my doctor, trying to find out what was going on. All I was told was ‘it’s your age’. I am only 30 years old for crying out loud AND I was 28 when I lost 23lbs in 21 weeks – that’s only a few years ago HOW CAN IT BE MY AGE!!!!?
Looking back now I think I came the closest I’ve ever come to what depression must feel like. It’s almost comical that I didn’t see that whilst I was in the midst of it. I work with clients who have all manner of clinical depression: from what I refer to as ‘depressive tendencies’ to manic depression and severe debilitating cannot-even-get-out-of-bed total mind control depression – so I know some of the signs and associated feelings/manifestations. I’m not saying I was depressed (I have an annoying tendency to look on the bright side) but I was
definitely affected by my weight.
Now I KNOW this might sound stupid but I KNOW I was not/am not morbidly obese. I KNOW it’s not the same as having to get down from 300lbs or whatever but I am 5’8” tall and almost 180lbs was NOT GOOD, no matter whose height/weight ratio chart you look at!!
So from 165 lbs for my birthday, by Christmas just gone (2008) I was (12 stone 7) 175lbs again – this IN SPITE of counting points etc etc.
I was exercising, tracking, doing everything a good weightwatcher should do but the weight was JUST NOT COMING OFF! Which just added to the crappy way I was feeling about myself.
In February this year I had a meltdown – luckily my WW leader, who has since become a really good friend, was on the other end of the phone at the time! She offered to weigh me at her home every Saturday morning, as a way of helping me focus and also taking some of the pressure off my weekend wine-fests! Knowing I was getting weighed on Saturday morning would help me be good to my body on Friday night and also meant I was 'up and at ‘em' early to put in some weekend gym time.
So since Feb 3rd 2009 that’s precisely what I have been doing. And
ANNOYINGLY in those 11 weeks have still only managed to get down to 12 stone 5lbs then 12 stone 3, then back up again, then down again. AND this is despite the incessant, boring food lists on here and blogging and reading all your amazing stories, and running off calories on the treadmill and despite Rachel’s steadfast unwavering, amazing support (THANKS RACH!)
I cannot describe my frustration!
There are no words.
The parallel story to this one is that since March 2005 I have been taking the
Depo Provera Contraceptive injection. I came off it in August 208 –
not because we want to have kids but because I was advised to by my GP as I had been on it for almost 4 years, which meant I was at risk of osteoporosis in later life and also not having (
as Jen @ prior fat girl would say) ‘cycled’ during ANY of that time.
I’m told that it can take a year for the DP to work its way out of your system. I wasn’t too worried. Sure I had gained weight but I stood by my assertion that there is no drug on the market that can miraculously gain weight. All DP has done is to increase my appetite and it’s THAT that I have to control.
And then I began reading about it...........I knoooooowwwwwwwwwww that self diagnosing via google is DUMB. But I convinced myself that I had an underactive thyroid so off I trotted to the GP to tell her all about my woes and guess what she said .
“ You’re not THAT overweight. I’m sure your husband loves you anyway”
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!! This from a health care professional! A DOCTOR!
I asked her if that fact that my body was getting used to coming off the DP had anything to do with my incapacity to lose weight and she said no. I really felt like she didn’t take me seriously AT ALL. I actually think the issue is that doctors just don’t know enough about this drug and what it can do to your body!
What I found from my research online is that (a) it PROBABLY shouldn’t have even come onto the market in the first place, if the FDA are to be believed, and (b) there are THOUSANDS of women on chat rooms and message boards out there who talk of their experiences of trying to lose weight
AFTER DP. Losing weight whilst being on it seems not to have been a problem, and I myself can attest to that, as I was on it during 06-07 when I lost the initial 23lbs! Apparently, women are finding that it is after using the DP that your body stubbornly refuses to relinquish the added pounds of fat.
I’m not gifted enough in the science department to know if this is biologically /medically possible but what seems to be happening is that somehow, this drug is slowing down or altering women’s metabolisms. SURELY that has to be an explanation? Why hasn’t there been a study on it? Why are you guys across the pond trying to ban it? WHAT’S THE FULL STORY HERE??!!!
(I should point out at this juncture that not all women who have used DP experience this, not by any means, but if it’s true, shouldn’t they warn you that it MAY happen?!)
As a contraceptive for someone who doesn’t want kids yet, if ever, it’s AMAZING! I’ve had no pains, no PMS, no ‘cycling’ for almost 4 years. I can’t fault it. But somehow I’m not sure the apparent after effects outweigh the benefits. I’ve been so miserable!
So, back to the weight loss story again….at the end of March (thanks to Jen prior fat girl and may of you out there who do the same) I got a personal trainer. Chris gave me a programme that fitted me and suited my needs and goals and his theory as that although I was working out regularly, I wasn’t working HARD enough for it to create a change in my body! So I’ve had 4 weeks of working out with him and doing my own programme at every available opportunity, learning to push myself with exercise, coupled with yet ANOTHER amazing thing I’ve gleaned from you amazing bloggers (Miz, Laura, Charlotte, Kathleen, Dee. Biz, Phil et. al.) the concept of ‘clean eating’ and ……………
LO AND BEHOLD!
Over the past 2 weeks I have lost 7 and a half lbs! In two weeks! That’s more than the entire past 12 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the story doesn’t end there…without going into too much detail, the week between losing 3.5 lbs and then a further 4 lbs, guess what happened? I had a ‘Are you there God, it’s me, Margaret’ experience and my ‘cycle’ kicked back in!
CO-INKY-DINK??????? I have to say I think
NOT! I have been tested for anaemia, diabetes, underactive thyroid and all my hormone levels! 7 tests they did on that little vial of blood and there is absolutely bugger all reason I was not losing weight……so either the clean eating has worked or the stepped up exercise and weight training has worked or it may be that it’s a combination of all these factors. No qualified doctor appears able to tell me but I REALLY FEEL like my cycle was the key – it CAN’T BE COINCIDENCE! Even the trainer guy said that my body must think it’s in menopause and word on the street is that it’s inordinately difficult when you’re menopausal to lose weight. It makes sense to me that not having my period contributed in some way. Or maybe interval training has sped up my metabolism haha!
Whichever way you look at it, I’ve lost 7.5lbs in 2 weeks, that’s fantastic! I am back at 165.5lbs (where I was for my 30th bday last September) but with actual honest-to-goodness muscle tone! I have lost 5% body fat and gained 1lb of lean muscle. I am a dress size smaller than I was for my party AND more than anything, I am HEALTHIER! And it’s this, quite frankly, that I want to focus on. Even when I was a 70lb ballet student 9at 5’8” tall !!!!), I was not this healthy…….
I am not going to lie, being lighter IS important to me. I will always have a mad relationship with food. I will always hold up a size zero catwalk model waif with bones jutting out all over the show as my idea of ‘beautiful’ , but in addition to a healthy body, I can continue to work on getting a healthy mind to go along with it. I need to do this for me. And it’s possibly the first time EVER that I’ve realised this – before it was always so that I would be ‘acceptable’.
SO, my goal weight is somewhere around the 147lbs mark, 10stone 7 -not too skinny that it’s unsustainable but slim enough for me to be a happy bunny. It’s not too unrealistic either, but for now I am focusing on exercise and hoping that the lbs keep coming off as an added bonus!
18.5 lbs to go!!! Wish me luck! And keep blogging- it HELPS me no end!
DUDES! If you made it to the end of this load of old bollocks then you deserve an ACTUAL medal!!!!!! Thanks for reading and putting up with my nonsense!
So you see, though I may not be a 300lb BigFatPie, I am in my own little way, still engaged in just as much of a battle as some of you !
God knows WHAT I’ll do when it comes to learning how to maintain!!!!!!!
Fat picture to follow below –just to prove it !
BigFatLove from ME
xoxo
Here I am at 12 stone 10 lbs (178) lbs), May 2008 with my beautiful friend Julie at her wedding - I got sooooooo trollied at their wedding because I
hated how I looked! I'm a stone lighter now, a year later - a BLOODY YEAR! People have lost 100lbs in that time! So there you go blogpals, THIS is why I'm on this journey and it is STILL a constant freaking battle!!! xoxo
