I am almost certainly going to hell for this post.......

Last night I went to the gym.

I forgot my iPod so on the treadmill I resorted to people watching. I admired some people, learnt some new things, and thought constructively how I'd change what certain people were doing if I were a pt. (To the man doing ridiculously heavy chest presses WITH AN ARCHED BACK you are going to do yourself a mischief sunshine – engage that core and tense your abs…and whilst we're at it boys of gym world, please don't think we cant see you having a 'cabinet reshuffle' with one hand down your roomy gym keks…..because we CAN. And it's vile. So stop it. It'll still be there when you get home, play with it then. Good grief. Oh and ONE MORE THING! Pleeeeeease wear proper shoes rather than flipflops in the weight room you doofuses.)

*Ahem* Where was I?

Oh yes, on the treadmill, people watching………

And then I saw an actual pt working out alongside one of her clients. She had a t shirt that said 'Personal trainer' on the back. They were rowing together. She was hard to miss. And by that I don't mean she was a honed & toned gym bunny and all-round good advert for her profession. Oh no. She was, well….how can I put this?

Er…..chunky and flabby.

I was appalled. And also surprised by the strength of my reaction. Now I am appalled at MYSELF for being so bloody judgemental.

But I DID judge her. I wouldn't pay someone who looked like that my hard-earned cash to train me. HOW BAD IS THAT!!! I am a BAAAAAAAAAD person and clearly gonna get a karmic kick in the ass for it. But nonetheless, it's true.

I judged her immediately as a poor trainer because of her size, shape and the fact that she looked as if she'd never been near the gym.

It got me thinking, how important IS appearance when choosing a pt? When I met Chris I didn't think 'WHOA! He works out!' I just thought 'there's someone who looks fit and as if he knows his stuff and as if he can teach me a thing or three', but if I'd met this girl from last night, I'd have hightailed it out the door after the consultation & never looked back.

If the proof really IS in the pudding, then I guess appearance IS important. Kinda like when you pick a new hair stylist. I unashamedly pick one who has good hair. It seems to make sense. If they can look after their own 'do', they're gonna be respectful of mine! Equally with pt's, if they look like they take care of their own bods, I'm gonna trust them with mine. Simply put, I respect them. I

t's kind of the reaction I've been getting lately when I get chatting to gym people and I tell them my story – as if people can't imagine that I've ever had a problem with my weight, or wasn't always this fit – and once they discover that I've had to work for my success, a light of respect (acceptance??) comes into their eyes and I know I've got them 'on side'. Weird.

Anyhoo….. So, if you're still reading this, after discovering what a total judgemental b*tch I am, what do you think?

Would you reject a pt on the basis that they were a bit on the porky side?? Interesting, innit?

Laterz,

Lxoxo
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Contrary

I've got Body Image Anxiety.

Haven't we all?! I hear you cry.

Well.

Let me explain what I mean. Last night I had a dance rehearsal for the show that I'm in. My costume is little more than an embellished bikini. I know. Insania. It got me thinking. I find it MENTAL that I am contemplating not only wearing said item, but also engaging in full on dance routines whilst wearing said item. On a stage. In front of people. People I know. HOLY Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiznuts! (as someone I love dearly would say!)

So, arguably, you might say that my self image has improved considerably since I got to goal, took control of my eating and my health, started working out etc etc. Because there's NO WAY IN HELL I ever would have considered wearing said item in said vicinity when I was 40 odd lbs heavier.

However.

It occurred to me, looking back through old (now hideous) pics of myself, that back then I genuinely thought that I looked ok. I mean, sure, I've never been 'beautiful' in the classic sense of the word, but I know how to dress for my shape, I'm good at clothes and I have my own style and whatnot. Plus my husband it damn hot so I figure I cant be totally fugly.....(er hello putting your self worth in other people/things alert!!!)

All joking aside, what I mean is, I genuinely did not see the unhealthy, flabby body before me. But never mind hey? At least now I have it all in perspective and can look objectively at my own reflection and be pleased with what Ive achieved.

Right?

WRONGO!!!!!!

I think, and here's the point of the post, that I have got WORSE instead of better!

I'm so much more self critical, forever "checking" in the mirror whether my stomach is flat, how toned my arms/back/shoulders/legs/stomach/ how sharp my profile is/is there a space under my ribs/whether I've got love handles/etc etc.

I torment myself with "things to work on next" itineraries and I am never happy with my image in pictures.....there's always something I'd change. I never USED to do this.. I never would pick holes in my appearance like this.

So why is this? What's changed? Is it that my "standards" of expectation I set myself are higher (in my eyes) now? Is it because I finally have a glimpse of just how athletic my body can be? Is it because I'm motivated or is it because I have gone over to the dark side.

Is this normal when you've lost a chunk of weight? I so want to be able to appreciate my body for what it is and what it can do, and how amazing it has become (is becoming? Always was?) not be all negative and self-critical all the time. I fully subscribe to the 'Be your own superhero' maxim but cant quite get past the self-scrutiny.

Thoughts?

L x

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Weekends are FAR too short.....

Monday? Again? Seriously?!

So, my weekend went a little like this:

Friday- was a total saint all day food wise, high-tailed it straight to
them gym where my legs begrudgingly took me through a fast 5k (well,
fast for me- 21 mins) and then did a super set weights circuit. Legged
it home and got ready to go to The Heywoods for my cousin Andy's
birthday gathering. All the rellies, my own dear husband included,
chowed down on that classic British staple of fish + chips, whereas I,
dear friends, took along a tuna super salad. Rather than taking the
mick, one of my aunts exclaimed how great it was that I was that "in the
zone" I didn't even WANT to eat what the others were eating.......and
the more I thought about, the more I realised how true that is. After a
successful week of being healthy, I didn't want to chuck it all away the
night before weigh in!

And weigh in? Well, I managed a stay-the-same at 10.5 stones (140.5lbs,
63.7kg) from the last time I weighed in, which is not bad going
considering what I've eaten + what I weighed at the beginning of the
week!! So I'm pretty pleased. Only 0.5 of a lb over goal, so my aim for
this week is to press on and see a nice 9 at the start of the scale @
weigh in this weekend! Should be do-able.......

Still wimping out of the pt though.....I'm like one of those ww members
who says they'll "return to meetings when I've lost a bit of weight".
Good grief. Sue's right in her lovely comment on my previous post - I do
need to go and face the music. Grrr....... I am DREADING getting on the
scales of doom - the ones that calculate bodyfat. GROSS.

Workout-wise I wussed out on Saturday, was just too tired (on account of
having stayed up till 2am the previous night - bloody idiot that I am!).
I did ride my bike to and from fat club thought but that was it on the
exercise for Saturday. I did, however, make up for it on Sunday. Sucked
it up and ran my first 10k for 8 weeks. 57mins, which SUCKS but I'll
take it. It can only get better. I absolutely loved it, though. And
typically, afterwards I wondered why on earth I'd been so reticent to do
it in the first place! WEIRD. After my run I had a little rest for a few
hours then hit the gym to do my own kick ass circuits in the weights
room. I got there at 5:15pm so could have done the 5:30pm BodyPump class
but I wanted (yes, WANTED) to challenge myself a little bit more so
spent a good 90 minutes doing circuits of tri-sets, completing 3 sets of
15 reps on each individual exercise. Sounds complicated, so let me give
you an example.

One arm tri-set that I did was on the ball, prone position. 1 set wide
rows with 5kg, 1 set tricep kickbacks with 4kg, 1 set rear delt fly with
4kg. Each set has 15 reps in, so I did wide rows, then triceps, then
rear delts, then began again with wide rows. I super-setted it so no
resting in between.

I alternated between arms, core, resistance, legs, abs to ensure an even
workout and worked a bit on my pull ups. I just felt like I got so much
more out of my workout than if I had done that Pump class. Don't get me
wrong, I love that class and it's great when you only have an hour to
whizz in and out of the gym, and can follow a bit mindlessly, but this
way I used my own knowledge and love of exercise to better equip my body
to deal with life. I'm so sore today but man it was worth it!

Eating-wise Saturday was not so good, but on the plus side I DID track
EVERYTHING! Saturday night we had pizza and x factor with a few beers,
but yesterday - oh yesterday! I got all 'Domestic Goddess' in my kitchen
and made (ww friendly) chicken Kiev for Rich and myself! Amazing what
you can do with good ol' Philly ! I also made chilli potato wedges and a
super salad. I measured a 175ml glass of Soave and snuggled up with the
hub to watch Transformers. Rich was rather impressed with his dinner and
did not believe it was a ww recipe! HAHAHA! I was most impressed with
myself - particularly because I was well within daily points for the
day, which means I am starting my week off on the right foot! Now bring
on that fat loss!!!!!!

Hope you're all having a great Monday and HELLO NEW FOLLOWERS!!! (Bloody
HELL I've got 104!!! :0)

Love Lizzie

Oh, and PS - what the chuff is labour day all about? Seriously!!

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Friiiiiiday!

How come it feels like I've been back at work for eons despite being a 3 day week??!!! Next week will be hell!!

At least there's a weekend on the horizon! Anyone got any fun plans??

So last night I did a BodyPump class and followed it with BodyCombat. It's been a week since I did any kind of exercise (apart from a rather pathetic beach run whilst away) and MAN was it tough!!! I guess this is what I mean when I say I've lapsed somewhat with my training! It's been kind of a cumulative thing over a 2 month period. So last night was tough but this morning I've got that achey tiredness vibe that I've learnt to love because I know it means I've worked out! When I got in I was absolutely famished and had a mad craving for beans on toast- so I had them. Part of me felt bad because it means I've broken the no bread rule + gone over points, but mostly I just really, reeeeealllly wanted to eat them! I didn't put anything on the toast + I drained the sauce off the beans so it put me only a couple of points over my daily allowance of 18. I don't count my activity points either but I know from my HRM that a good 900 calories were burnt @ the gym so all in all I figure I'm ok.

That said, today I feel a little bit as if I'm wearing a fatsuit. I can feel more padding all over my bod and I really don't like it! I know others won't be able to tell but I can!! It's not nice having been so lean and toned so recently! Isn't it MAD !!!! At the gym I really got a good look at myself (er hello! Bloody mirrors EVERYWHERE!) and I can definitely tell I'm chunkier.

Still, the scale says that after just 2 days of being back on the vibe I've lost 4lbs! Haha yeh RIGHT!!!! But that puts me at 10,1 or 141lbs which is still only 1lb over my goal of 140 so it's not drastic from a scale perspective BUT I reckon my body fat % has gone up + lean muscle gone down. I'm so frustrated at myself!

I'm also avoiding my pt - he's been away for a month and I'm supposed to go tonight but I cannot bring myself to face the music! I know I need to man up but I'll feel so disappointed with myself. As if I've undone all my hard work!!

Arrrrrgggghhh!!!!

So apparently I'm having a wobbly day! Dammit.

L xoxo
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"Blasted water weight..."

Morning all!

So, I am pleased to declare Day 1 of "get your health groove back on" was a complete and utter success! Wahoop!! Stuck to 18 points and didn't give in and eat crap at 10pm when I got in from rehearsal! Had some porridge and went to bed.

Is it possible to feel thinner over night? Just one day of eating healthily + working out moderately (40 lengths, 23 mins) and I feel tremendous....or at least on the way to being. Mad. And accoring to the scales I've "lost" 3lbs since yesterday morning, which is obviosuly nonsense but gratifying and encouraging nonetheless....it's as if I've been instantly rewarded for good behaviour. Mad.

So with that, I'm off to have a great tuesday. - why don't you do the same!!

Toot toot!

Lizzie xoxo
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I'm FAMOUS!

Check me out here on Annabel's fabulous blog!!!! I didn't even know people read regulary! So THANK YOU to those of you that do!!!!

Seeing my own story (again) on someone else's blog, particularly someone like lovely Annabel who 'gets it' (and has a strange penchant for British accents) has really encouraged me to continue on this, frankly, mental journey I find myself on.

I PROMISE to post more often!!

Love and lessening

Lizzie xoxo

Day One Back on Plan

Very boring but necessary post:

Breakfast: 40g branflakes, skim milk and tea - 2 pts + 1 for milk.
Lunch: salad of celery, peppers, cucumber, red onion, cherry tomatoes, tuna with xlight mayo - 3pts
Latte 2pts
Go Ahead bar 3pts
Melon + strawberries. 2.5pts
3L water 0 pts

This takes me up to dinner time. I have a rehearsal at 7 so no time to gym so instead I will swim in my lunch break to get my exercise in. 40 lengths in 25 mins is the aim.

Weight: 10,5 3/8 OMG!!

Grey pencil skirt feels very verrrry tight. Error.

Onwards and,er, downwards.

Have a great 1st Sept!!

Love lizzie xoxo
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