I am doin' great! At weigh in this morning I lost a further 1.5lbs and hit my 35lbs lost total! So that was good. This means I am now 10 stone 4.5lbs/144.5lbs/65.5kg.
At this point I think that it might get tougher to lose as I seem to remember last time I was this weight (in,like, January 2007) that it got hard and I seemed to stick around 143lbs for ages. This time however, I realise I am working out so much more now and in and educated way, so I figure it'll come off.
I've been thinking about my progress a lot this past week. It's been one of those weeks where people seem to have noticed all of a sudden that I've lost weight and feel they can comment on it. I have worked really hard at being able to say thank you and accept comments or compliments (there was a time when everything in me would have wanted to scream 'Don't look at me!!' - God bless Cognitive Therapy!) and it's great when people notice. I mean, I notice a BIG difference, but it's my body and I obsess about it everyday- other people don't notice, however much we think they do.
What I have noticed though, is a sort of 'negative backlash' concerning my loss of flab...perhaps that's too strong a term, but there seem to be quite a few people telling me to "start maintaining" and don't lose anymore" and "aren't you skinny enough?". Suddenly, every bugger seems to have an opinion and, apparently, the right to voice it! I would never dream of saying anything like that to anyone!! Maybe it's my disordered history talking and colouring my perspective on this, but it just seems so......personal?
The way I see it is this: I'm not there yet. I don't know precisely how I'll know when I'm 'there'. But I will know. I don't think that my 'goal' will be a figure on the scale per se, rather more a feeling...sense of achievement....ability to look in the mirror and like what I see...but it will be informed by a figure, that's for sure. Before you think I've gone all nutso on your asses, I am all too actutely aware of my tendency to go overboard with weight loss, and thus I surround myself with people to whom I am accountable, so that if I start going off the deep-end, they will tell me. This is why I continue to go to WW. This is why I continue to seek the advice and guidance of my PT. There are enough people in my life to rein me in if the need ever arose BUT, more than that, I actaully want to take responsibility for my health - mental and physical! Those 35lbs lost don't solely represent the fat coming off my body, they represent an entire lifestyle change. A complete rethink. A new attitude to mind and body. A renewed comittment to health and longevity. A passion for exercise and to drive and test my body to see what it can do for me. A complete turnaround of the way I eat, what I eat, how I eat it and my attitude to food in and of itself. Food as fuel. Exercise for joy not to offset a calorie deficit.
I want to continue in this vein, not hoist the responsibility for my own health onto my accountability partners. I want to be able to manage it myself. And I am doing. And doing it well. I feel....amazing. And maybe one day soon my head will catch up with what my eyes see in the mirror and translate it as looking amazing too, rather than seeing the flaws still to be corrected.
Chris the PT said to me that one way he gauges whether or not people show signs of exercise bulimia (yeh, I know, it's a real thing apparently - I googled...) is by asking them to rate their progress on a scale of 1 to 10, and to give a score to how likely they feel it is that they will get to their '10' eventually. He said that when people feel they will never get 'there', then this can be an indication of 'trouble at 'mill'.
Of course, as a therapist I make a tricky client because I am so aware of these psychological assessments! I use them a LOT. So it would have been easy to fib and tell him what I thought he'd want to hear BUT I was totally able to be honest....because I DO think I'll get 'there' - there (for me) being (I confess) happy with how my body looks. And to be able to say that with certainty is progress indeed, people!
Working with a trainer is also a good indication to me that I can still afford to lose body fat safely and healthily, because he's calculated my metabolic age and monitors the progress closely. And even good ol' ww 'What's a healthy weight for you?' guidelines say that the minimum weight for my height is 9 st 6lbs/132lbs/59.8kgs - I am 5'8" tall.
So, what I'm trying to say is, it's nice when people notice I'm getting skinnier and more toned. It's great to be able to say thank you and mean it and know that it's true and not have to immediately refute it. ('Thanks for noticing' is my standard response haha). It's great that I am succeeding with it after such a sucky couple of years. But it's NOT massively helpful that everyone seems to be a bloody expert and feels entitled to (a) ask what I weigh and (b) give me unsolicited advice about stopping!!!
To illustrate this rather lengthy waffle (sorry!!), I've added some progress pics.
September 2009 - around 11,11 (165lbs), having already lost 14lbs.
November 2009, around 11 st (154lbs) - 25lbs lost.
And finally, 20/01/10. At 144.5lbs, 35lbs lost. I can see a difference. I like how my upper body is getting more toned and slimmer, legs and hips and abs need more work. But it's progress, no?
And with that my friends, I must leave you. I've been sitting here for far too long!!!
Have a great weekend!
Love, Lizzie xoxo