Thursday, 23 April 2009

Who is Jillian Michaels.....?

.....and why does she keep emailing me?

I have been blogging for a little while now and you will see from my blog roll that I read a LOT of your blogs. I think I'm right in saying that the majority of you are in the good ol' US of A

I LOVE America. It fascinates me on a level that I hope will become clear from this post BUT before I begin, I feel I should point out that ALL my knowledge of the States (apart from a summer in New York) is gleaned entirely from tv. So to that end, it might be a little skewed!

So, sometimes when I read your blogs, I find I am constantly stopping to google things that I have no clue about…..for example Pb2 (thank you for the email clearing THAT one up) and ALWAYS having to find the little calculator on my pc to divide your lbs into 14 so I can understand what stones you’re talkin’ about ! It’s hilarious and VERY educational.

That said, I do have several questions for y’all:

Who is this Jillian Michaels woman?
What is ‘shred’?
What is ‘Biggest Loser’?
Is an eggplant an aubergine?
Is a zucchini a courgette?
Why are the food portion sizes in your wonderful country so bloody MASSIVE?
Are there REALLY people who don’t have passports?
Why do you put protein powder in smoothies (Laura)?
Why oh why do we not have Reese’s pieces over here?
Do places like Stars’ Hollow really exist?
What does ‘DWTS’ stand for?
What the bejesus is an elliptical?
What are spanx?
What is C25k?
What is almond butter?

Things I love about America:

Gilmore Girls
Crazy spelling and grammar
High School Musical
Mountain Dew
Cap’n Crunch
All the amazing different kinds of bread
The fact that salads come as actual main meals rather than a crappy piece of wilted brown lettuce like here
The TV!!! The Hills, My Super Sweet Sixteen, Laguna Beach, Newlyweds, Friends, Arrested Development, Dawson’s Creek, Sex and the City, 24, Entourage, The Wire, Grays Anatomy, ER, Brothers and Sisters, Pushing Daisies, Californication, The West Wing,
The fact that everything’s massive, food-wise! Like crisps, for example (chips) blimey days! I could FIT INTO one of those bags of Lays!
The fact that you can perfectly acceptably order off menu and have dressing on the side and other such things that do not occur in restaurants here.
Reese’s pieces
Hersheys kisses
Making a big deal out of everything – in a good way J
The phrase ‘hoopla’
Those teeth whitening strips that I STILL CANNOT GET SHIPPED OVER HERE
Perfect teeth
That you can go out for dessert
Everything’s larger than life
You call high heels ‘pumps’ which here can mean ‘fart’ which always makes me laugh (how immature)
You can get away with calling someone ‘retarded’
The phrase JACKASS and the satisfaction it gives me to say it to someone
A burger is like an entire cow on a plate
Your funny words for things: Crisps are called chips, a waistcoat is called a vest, a blazer is called a sports coat, a pavement is called a sidewalk.
Coffee need not be that instant freeze dried crap
Sweet Valley High
Region 1 cheap dvd’s
Dave Matthews Band

Things I have discovered about America since writing this blog and nosing at all of yours.

· That I need to get a Blend Tech blender (Laura)
· That it’s ok and not sad to have a personal trainer (Jen)
· What pb2 is (several of you!)
· Running works (Kathleen)
· Peanut butter and chocolate go well together when they REALLY shouldn’t
· WW in America is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than the UK (Ms. Bitch Cakes and about a million others)
· The phrase ‘Holy crapola’ (Jen)
· What a ‘hoochie mama’ is
· Blogging is not for saddos
· That I take a littler dress size in America!
· About resistance training and how it helps
· That Depo Provera is EVIL

I am sure I will add to this but as you can see, you are all furthering my education in all things American AND making me love it (and you) even more!

I hope this makes you laugh as you glimpse my perspective in the States…I look forward to your answers/comments!!!

GAWD BLEYSS AMERYICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flipping well LOVE IT!

Love BFP xoxo


Bri said...

I am DYING at your post. My two best friends have both lived in England for several years (both back in the states now), so I THOUGHT I was pretty up on your lingo, but I never knew the one about PUMPS! That is going to be my new slang for farts- please use it in a sentence for me, so I can get it right!!!!!!

I am going to try to answer some of your questions:
The Biggest Loser (TBL) and Jillan Michaels are of the same. The Biggest Loser is a show where really fat people live on a ranch together and compete to see who can lose the most weight. At the end, the winner recieves $250,000. Jillian is one of two trainers on the show. The other one is Bob, who is a hottie, but probably gay. In fact I think Jillian is probably gay too.

"Shred" is a DVD that Jillian Michaels put out. It's called Jillian Michaels's 30 Day Shred. It is an asskicker!

Aubergine is a color, much like the color of an eggplant.

zucchini = courgette, according to (I have to admit I didn't know what "courgette" was.)

I have no idea why the portions are so massive, but it sure does mess with your psyche!

There are really people who don't have passports! My parents don't, and I'm pretty sure my boyfriend doesn't, I'll have to ask. Mine was stolen, so the replacement has a HUGE stamp on it that says "DUPLICATE"- I get looked at like a terrorist every time I use it!

I think places that are similar to Stars Hollow probably still exist in the US. My hometown is probably a little similar.

DWTS stands for Dancing With the Stars- yet another reality show that americans are obsessed with. A celebrity gets paired with a professional dancer and they compete.

Spanx! I'll take this one for sure, since it's in my blog title!! They are the modern woman's girdle. They come in pantyhose, footless pantyhose, power panties (look like biker shorts), high waisted power panties, tank tops, etc. The woman who created them is pure genious! You get them at high-end stores like Nordstrom, but there is a cheaper version, made by the same designer that is sold at Target stores. Even the celebs wear them and they totally smooth your belly and bum! I can't go without them if I'm wearing a dress.

C25K is the "Couch to 5k" program. It's a training program to prepare you to run a 5k. You can search for it on It's been around on the WW message boards for years.

Almond butter is peanut butter but instead of being made of peanuts, it's made of almonds. I have yet to try it because I have visions of myself lying in bed with a an entire jar of the stuff, watching Sex and the City. Not pretty!

And I love that you love Sweet Valley High!!! I have read the entire series. My first 500+ page book was the "Sweet Valley Saga" in 2nd grade! (Yes, I was a nerd and a total bookworm!)

I love that you love Mountain Dew and sweet potato fries. I'm about to go have a Diet Mountain Dew right now! I hope I answered a bunch of your questions! And yes, Days of Our Lives is REAL! Think Eastenders, but more modern. (I was subject to Eastenders all through college from my brit-loving rooommate!)

Sal said...


You CAN get Rease Peices over here - Selfridges in the TC have them! I'll bring some over when I come fro Rich's party. You can also get Spanx for that matter - try House of Fraser!!
Almond Butter - Holland and Barrett. Gotta say though I prefer peanut butter!! Specially when adding it to porridge.

WuTang said...

I just started reading your blog (found you through the great fitness experiment) and have to admit that I was googling stones into pounds, haha.
Jillian Michaels is a trainer on a hit tv show called "The biggest loser", where serverly obese people compete to lose weight and get healthy. She has sort of branched out from the show and now has DVd's and books, and she is AWESOME. I highly recommend you looking into some of her dvd's. You probably put your email into some diet website that she's associated with. I get them too.
I don't have a passport. Awful, I know. I DID have one, but I was 15 when it was issued so it's long since expired. Haven't needed one since. Supposed I should get one though... incase I ever need to flee the country or something. ha.

Anyways, I love your blog. I've battled with weight since high school (up and down 30 pounds or so) and can relate.

Oh and spanx... they are a ridiculously overpriced "girdle" of sorts. I paid $90 for a pair to wear under my wedding dress, which I didn't even end up using.

Glam said...

I'm back, I'm back!

Holy shiz, I'm glad someone answered all your questions! I was about to carve out some lovely work time and do it! ;) Anything to get out of work!

This post left me cracking up!

MB said...

HAHAHA ... I read this post at work and e-mailed it to myself so I could answer some of your questions but it looks like Bri beat me to it and got them all.

I have to take out the calculator to multiply stones by 14. Yes, very educational. ;)

Sarah :) said...

Cute! I think it's awesome that you're fascinated by OUR country...because I'm fascinated by YOURS! :)

I don't have time to see which questions haven't been answered, but I will pipe in with the fact that I don't have a passport! Never left the USofA. Hope to change that someday. :)

Anonymous said...

I love this post! So funny!

I use protein powders because I eat very little meat. It's just an easy way to get protein in my diet. Plus, it gives me an excuse to use the Blendtec and justify the ungodly amount of money I spent on it. :-)

I had no idea that "pump" meant fart, haha. I also never knew that courgette = zucchini until you asked me one day. I had to google it.

Anonymous said...

Jillian Micheals = EVIL. She is probably the most OTT fitness in the history of the world. She's diesel, her body is a machine - its crazy. As others have mentioned, she is one of two trainers on The Biggest Loser and Jillian makes grown men weep. I'd rather slap Stalin in the face than tick her off.

Eggplant = aubergine in both color and veggie. This tripped me up for awhile when I lived in Malta lol.

Zucchini = Courgette

Food portions? Blame it on McWorld. Only we can turn a Crossiant into a Crosandwich (yes, we actually have crosandwiches).

Passport? I always keep it in my purse. Just in case a something comes up, I'm prepared to leave in 15 minutes.

Protein powder = not for me. I just pop a cheese round (Think Laughing Cow, but round).

Reeses Pieces' - yeah, but you have paprika flavored potato chips and I'd kill for those.

DWTS = So You Think You Can Dance w/ famous people.

Elliptical = treadmill that moves legs independently.

Spanx = the holy grail. Find one.

MB said...

Oh, I forgot to say I don't have a passport. I've never been out of the USofA except snowmobiling and skiing in Canada a few times. I'll need to get a passport to go there now since they changed the law and now require it.

Have a great weekend!

Kathleen said...

You had most of your questions answered, I think -- but the whole thing about passports is really a function of the geography of the country. It takes a *long* time for us to move around. In the time it took you to get to Spain, I could (maybe) get to, uh, Texas? Las Vegas?

My kids think it's funny that you have to say trousers because pants are what are called "underpants" here.

I wish we had the Bravissimo store. I always look at the website and covet things, but then I'm realistically too cheap to pay overseas shipping, particularly when I'm worried about fit.

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...

HOLY CRAPOLA!!! This is the best way to start my Friday!!!

Can you come visit now? PUHLEASE!!!wait a minute, I was just looking at your list and don't see ding dongs on there! That took you a couple of posts to grasp the concept. I'm sending you one, send me your address!

Anonymous said...

As a fellow Brit, you've answered a few questions for me too!! Thanks!

Think I need to get some spanx!! Sounds rude....hehe!

Tusc :)

Herry said...

I will read from time to time for that.